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I can't write in straight lines on blank paper, it has to be lined.

the blank page #2, not-so-easy wonky teenage crudblud sheffield version.

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''minimart - it's basically a scaled-down supermarket, fits inside a petrol station. sells pies, antifreeze..''

How long have you been waiting to crank that one out?

Most people can't, don't worry. I'll check my graphology book because it's supposed to mean something if your lines go up or down (or up and down).

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I see, well... MAKE HASTE BONNY!

Straight Lines: If lines are straight, the person has will power and determination. If they are absolutely straight, the person could be rigid. If a little irregular, the person has skill in many fields or has the capability to acquire one or more.
Downward Slant: A downward slant is indicative of a dismal outlook. These people are pessimistic, moody and gets discouraged easily. If the writing has a prominent down ward slant, then they should be cautious because they can be foolish. They may try to get others sympathy by expressing this quality. If a person is not well physically and his or her writing has an extreme downward slant, it is not a good sign. It should be taken as a warning.
Upward Slant: People who write this way are usually ambitious. They are also optimistic. If your handwriting has an upward slant, you probably can talk a lot, could be over-confident and sometimes unreliable. If the slant has a slight upward trend, then it is a good sign. If the slant is very steep, all these qualities are exaggerated.
Irregular Lines: If the lines go upwards, but only towards the end of a sentence, particularly near the bottom of the page, they indicate a strong personality. Such people are courageous even in adversity.
Falling Lines: If at the end of a line and at the bottom of a page, your lines fall, it means you get irritated and worried easily. You are weak and prone to stress.
Dipped Lines: Lines which dip in the centre and rise again later indicate a half-hearted approach to work. People with such a hand start on work half-heartedly, with no purpose. Later they get enthusiastic and finish the task well.
Humped Lines: These are lines that rise in the centre like a hump and then dip once again. These people start work enthusiastically but soon get discouraged and leave the task mid way.

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How do psychologists come up with this stuff, anyway?!

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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true Art and Science. - Albert Einstein

When I write, without 2 lines to stay between, my writing starts out O.K., but then gets smaller and smaller the more I write.
Does the book have anything to say about that ??

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Stay with me flagrantly and we'll have ecstasy for all eternity.

It's the same babble as with astrology, palmistry, dream analysis etc:
if you get two books, they'll both say something different. They're not psychologists working on it. I'll check some other graphology books, because I have no example at hand now: but I can tell you the following:

In Palmistry: make a fist with your right hand, and check the skin on the side below your pink, but above your heartline (the highest thick line).
Count the lines you see on this small section.

Some people say this amount of lines signifies the amount of children you may have. Others say it signifies how many relationships you have, and still others relate it to jobs or marriages.

If you're older, count your lines, and compare this number to either one of these data.

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You'd be better off "reading" the turds posted my Batchain.

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I heard it stated that if one's handwriting is deviating in the way the individual letters are written,then that is suppose to mean that you're paranoid,or schizophrenic,or some of both... Yeah,right.

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Oh yeah. No-one ever stated you could have ALS or you're stupid for holding something else in your head while writing.

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Until very recently, companies in France used graphology for recruiting purposes. I was dumbfounded when i arrived here and was asked to write introduction letters by hand when filing a job application. I had not written anything other than a grocery list for like ten years. My handwritting looked like my 8 year old son'. How i found a managerial position i'll never know, but apparently if you have an 8 year olds handwritting your in!

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"You can fly like a Penguin when you're dealing with Turkeys."

It's the same in most countries I think, at least in The Netherlands... kind of silly... it's even occasionally mentioned in "how to apply for a job for dummies" books.

Don't mix it up with forensic research on handwritings as that isn't bull-shit. One thing graphology tends to overlook, is that handwriting of people depends on too many things, material you write on, pen you use, how much coffee you had, whether you're in a hurry or writing a love letter, etc.

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Coincidentally I mentioned that I couldn't write in staright lines based on a job application form that I filled out the other week, I made some photocopies for practice runs but on the actual one I drew faint pencil lines as a guide.

What do you make of this sample of my penmanship? Is it the ravings of a dangerous lunatic, or evidence of untapped leadership potential?

EDIT: Image removed to maintain my cryptic persona.

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Let's hear it again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

Not today but last saturday actually, learned that if you step on a nest of fire ants while cutting the grass, dont put your foot back down on it because those little fuckers will climb all over your feet and legs and inflict a lot (i'm talking A LOT) of pain. I had to go soak my right leg in cold water to ease the pain. I'm not telling you how i learned to dispose of a fire ant nest because there might be ant lovers here and dont want to offend them.....

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"You can fly like a Penguin when you're dealing with Turkeys."

I feel your pain. 2 weeks ago I got attacked by a bunch of hornets while cutting the grass - they nest in holes in the ground, and apparently my attempts to beautify their little abode met with fierce protest, in the form of about 12 stings all over my legs and arms. I'm ok now, hope you're ok too.

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Let's hear it again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

Insects piss me off, and they're disgusting too.

I think they are cool, look at this guy:

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The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true Art and Science. - Albert Einstein

Yeah i'm ok but my right leg look like it met up with satan, all red and still tender. Last year i got stung by a French Hornet (or Frelon as they are called here). Now in Canada we have hornets that were maybe 1cm in lenght but here they have giant fucking hornets almost 3cm long. Let me tell you when i saw what had stung me i almost fainted. I was in a world of pain for 2 hours. We also have nice black scorpions but they are not dangerous at all just wicked looking....the big centipedes however are another matter, you do not want to get near one of those fuckers beleive u me.....

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"You can fly like a Penguin when you're dealing with Turkeys."

Books can't teach you how do these things anyway. It depends on a large part upon the reader's intuition and ability to "see" in images and free association. I think the best way of divining for an answer to questions at least is the old Scots way, by lying down, wrapping yourself up in your plaid, making sure you cover your head and putting a large stone on your stomach. Spend several hours this way and you will come out with something. he he he Except in my case I would use a blanket and forget the stone! Often when you wake up in the morning if you have the ability the answer to your question will come to you. Otherwise use tea leaves. End of rant.

Today is Monday. Pafff! I think I need to start divining for a new job.

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Country music + Black music = Rock and Roll

Depends what kind of insect really, but I don't like most of them. That one's pretty cool though.

Some elements:
Your capital H's shows the second leg on top is higher than the first. That means you're strongly aiming to get a higher position, up to cockiness.
The large lower loops on your f's indicate sexual perversity.
You correct in friggh, signalling uncertainty.
Sudden large letters, like madNESS, can signify sudden self-overestimating.

The dot at the end of your signature means you're either self-conscious or accurate.
Your lines going up and down signal inner poverty, longing for impressions from the outside.
The curls indicate artistic tendency.

More later.

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Fascinating. Thanks! I'm going to go be sexually perverse now.

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Let's hear it again for the London Philharmonic Orchestra!