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Home at last Jim sighed as he lay exhausted in his leather lounger, this latest book tour had really taken it out of him. Seventeen nights seventeen flights a different hotel, bookshop, refrigerator, bar and escort agency every night. The Pope was wrecked, hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm the lounger creaked as Jim shivered uncontrollably hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Jim's face cracked into a smile as his aching body writhed hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm he withdrew the humming phone from the strategically positioned pocket of his robe, it'ed be the Discovery channel wanting to ask him questions about the new breed of frog he'd uncovered.
With a crash the trendy lounge pet door flew open bounced off the wall and slammed closed, twelve and a halfs seconds later the trendy kitchen pet door crashed open bounced off the wall and slammed closed. In the intervening twelve and a half seconds between this sudden double door action, if Jims eyes had been open and he gave a shit, he would have seen Plook's poodle Gary in his trendy bangladeshi tie dyed dog harness flounce through the forum running between Jim's kitchen and lounge. If Jim could have understood the growling wheezing and yapping that emerged from Gary's damp crumb speckled muzzle as he UPS'ed his furry ass from door to door, he still would't have given a shit, but would have responded with a wrey "You need to get out more". Gary was furious, people were denigrating the son of his favourite pet food manufacturer and he wasn't going to take it anymore "I'm the most intelligent poodle I've ever met" was Gary's mantra as he stormed about, all bets are off I'm pissin' inside, in fact I'm shittin' in the forum yap yap yappity yap yap yap (goes on for about another 59,973 characters).
But back to the frog, Pope Jim, after passing out at a book signing event somewhere in Colorado, had woken without his pants a little after midnight in the breakroom of the now deserted bookstore. While searching for food, or depending on who you talk to amyl nitrate, way in the back of the staff refrigerator, Jim shoved aside what used to be a frozen beef pie which had become adhered to the sidewall of the ice box and a small translucent frog with tiny black spots on his back slide out from behind the freezing element. The frog eyeballed Jim, Jim not satisfied with the pie and thinking he saw something move looked back trying to identify what it was he was seeing, Fred was a little angry, himself and his family had been living inside the frozen beef pie apartment for a couple of generations, he began to turn faintly red, and small droplets of toxic venom blistered out of the tiny black spots on Fred's back. Thinking the frog was some kind of fancy easter egg Jim reached back into the fridge, Fred gathered himself and performed a massive leap up and over Jim's huge advancing hand and by frog standards lumberingly slow arm, and anticipating the flinch of Jims bicep Fred performed a half gaynor off it and like an arrow flew directly into Jims open mouth............
The next three and a half weeks are even today only a hazy memory for Jim, he recalls snippets of a trip to India, hanging out with yogis and babba's, naked in the Ganges. Dehydrated and dancing at the burning man in Death Valley again naked, and of course the recurring vision of being naked under a full moon atop one of the great pyramids in giza. When almost a Month after Colorado, Pope Jim awoke clad in a ragged saffron coloured bed sheet drapped on the Mad Hatters Tea Party sculpture in cenral park he had no idea how he had got there, let alone the day or date, he did however remember the little frog, the bookstore no, but little Freddy the frogggggg yes, oh yes. So the book tours continue, and Jim's facebook page is becoming littered with images of him mostly naked enjoying himself immensely at, usually to Jim unknown locations. He even made Youtube with an unrecalled guest appearence partying on Fashion TV in Ibiza, with a bevy of the worlds top models chanting rhythmically "go Jim go go Jim go", and for the record people P Jimmy was an Oroton thong away from being naked in Ibiza.....GO JIM GO!
And if you, yes you there in the corner, if you work
in a bookstore in Colorado, go check out the fridge in the beakroom won'tcha please.
_________________
Thanks for the music Frank.
Well I'm about to get sick from watching my TV
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