Zappa.com

Monday - rain slicker
Tuesday - shorts
Wednesday - a parka
Thursday - Tornado resistant leiderhosen
Friday - a halter top

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

C'mon, I really wouldn't care what the weather was right now, nothing would be more delightful than seeing you in a mankini.

But, since you asked, I'll give you the answer. Wait a couple hundred years. Is your town and/or country under water? Has life ceased for you and all those you know? If not, then it's not true. If so, it's true.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Dear Cal,

I just ate half a bag of beer nuts and, feeling decidedly ill, decided that I'd better get something sorted out before I die of candied nuts.

What is the one true faith?

And please try to accommodate overall cost in your answer as I am on a tight budget.

_________________
When the going gets weird the weird turn pro - HST

Miasma!

Just believe in yourself. That's all you'll ever need.




Hahahaha, I'm shitting you, it's the EcumeniCal2Hikers Church of Making Calvin2hikers Filthy Rich. We believe in giving our leader lots of money. As an introductory offer, it's only 20 dollars a month, or 30 dollars a month if you give yearly.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

The true religion is Pastafarianism, or the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Join us!

_________________

Join the PackardGoose forum! Send me a PM!

I've been doing some quick calculations and I've come to the conclusion that it would not make me any money.

Although I do love spaghetti.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Thanks for your help but it turns out that the rumblings of my imminent demise turned out to be the rumblings of a lesser god who bears a strong resemblance to a porcelain appliance. The lesser gods appeased and my keel more or less even, I shall return to worshipping my dog. He is much less demanding than most religions, doesn't molest alter boys and almost never shits in the house unlike some baptists I could name...

More importantly, he barks frantically at Mormons, JW's, the mailman, politicians, teenagers, other dogs, aircraft, clouds, stigmata and hot air balloons.

Dog is my copilot.

_________________
When the going gets weird the weird turn pro - HST

Miasma!

Dammit.

It's hard to start a religion.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Religious *SPAM*......For a buck 49 ($1.49) you to can be a guru.Thats right! In this limited time offer you'll get a robe & rope,bells and beads,& a mystery box for easy storage.Order NOW and we'll throw-in some majic dust*.Order two and we'll give you free,thats right free! One can of foaming goo!** Remember think *SPAM* for all you religious needs.

*Charisma & karma extra.
** Shipping & handling extra.
Neb.residents add 80% sales tax.
All sales are final.

_________________
I'm getting larger as I walk away.

Dear Cal

There seems to be some confusion in another thread as to whether the Anus is an exit or an entrance, what say you?

Sign Me

Poop Shute Paradox Prepared

Dear Cal

I have developed a fetish for digipak CD covers which makes me fondle and dust them until they break apart. How can I stop this futile, obsessive behaviour?

DC Boogie

_________________
If I'm not alone... How long have I been asleep?

Well Mr. Boogie, to dole out an advice pellet from my psychiatric pez dispenser, my theory is that you destroy what you cannot have. But buck up bucko, there's hope yet! Daring new legislation is being run through Congress that would allow you to marry as many digipaks as you want. Jewel cases too. This will enable you to treat the case of your choice in the manner as to which it should be accustomed.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

In this great land of ours, it can be either.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Cal, how can women expect to be regarded as equals by men if they persist in acting like animals during sexual intercourse?

"Smile if you screw like a tiger" was one of my better lines...as in they smiled a lot...and they like guys with a sense of humor. Well it did help thin the herd!

They're animals I tell ya!

_________________
I'm getting larger as I walk away.

LMAO...I am so glad your bringing this thread back, definitly in my top 5...hell might be my favorite, this is your wheel house...

Dear Calvin,
Is my persecution of Trendmonger evil, tasteless, tiny-minded and uncalled for? Does it point out spiritual and moral shortcomings in me? Do you even give a shit?

Dear Cal,
Could you give me a list of the states of the USA in which the anus is not considered an entrance? (Purely for reference purposes).
I always thought the southern states didn't like you going...er... south.
Signed,
Not-very-keen-on-anal-sex-but-whatever-turns -you-on

_________________
The more I learn, the less I know.

Dear calvin2hikers,

I have a couple for ya.

1. Since brainpang doesn't like the way I carry myself (despite his utter hypocrisy in the Trendmonger threads, where he clearly doesn't carry himself very well at all), does this mean I should be carried by someone else...or should I just endure the relatively plausible physical capabilities of carrying other people randomly regardless of their weight, and thus ultimately redeeming my nearly 6' 0'', 180 pound frame?

2. Why do the utter morons of the forum (and many people in general) think if Socialism is established on this continent that it will work, despite the FACT it NEVER has worked in ANY country in world history (Mixed Economies don't count)?

_________________
ONE NATION UNDER SOCIALISM



Because of Obamination's spending & socialist BS, America and much of the world will endure one of the worst depressions in history in 5...4...3...2...

Dear Calvin,

Is everything that's wrong with the USA really Obama's fault?

Tickled pinko in Mexico, where's my waitress? Opelita you hot little bitch!

_________________
I'm getting larger as I walk away.

Dear Cal,
I was wondering how I could fuck up your advice corner. No, don't tell me - I think I can guess the answer.

_________________
The more I learn, the less I know.

I give more than one shit. Maybe up to 4. There's really nothing wrong with you either - unless it's this same time 4 years from now and you're still at him. Then you might be a wee bit pathetic.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

1. In the middle of investigation, I break down. So would you take Jack, my dog?

2. DOESN'T WORK? WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Those National Socialists seemed to have it groovin'. Record low unemployment, the youth were able to be in their own group where they learned and played and become more healthy, they had an army AND a police state, and they were even given two countries free without firing a shot! But perhaps I'm being a wee bit simplistic. There was probably some other stuff I'm forgetting.

_________________
You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

1. Sure. Well, if he's not too heavy, that is.

2. Forgetfulness is a bitch. But I'm pretty sure you forgot dictatorship, the relinquishment of your rights to choose, or to create capital for yourself and family, or even own stuff, etc.


Oh...and thanks for the responses.

_________________
ONE NATION UNDER SOCIALISM



Because of Obamination's spending & socialist BS, America and much of the world will endure one of the worst depressions in history in 5...4...3...2...

Yeah, the National Socialists were nowhere near as good as the Fascists in Italy in 1924 or Pinochet's junta - who also killed considerably less people btw.

_________________
The more I learn, the less I know.