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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:09 am 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
aspy_2nd_bunch wrote:
Dear Calvin,

I have severe aching of the tooth and gums. Do you know of anything that maight remedy this ailment?

XX


You have to wish with all your might. Put everything else on hold. Wish 24 hours a day, 7 days a week until it goes away. If it hasn't after a year, I'll instruct you on do-it-yourself rooting and planing.


Thank you, ever so, lovely Cal. I shall wish and wish with all of my might. :lol:

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 2:12 am 
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phydeaux3 wrote:
aspy_2nd_bunch wrote:
Dear Calvin,

I have severe aching of the tooth and gums. Do you know of anything that maight remedy this ailment?

XX


Clove oil, a drop in the cavity, or even just a bruised clove tucked in your cheek.

Sorry Mr. Calvin, sir, i really tried to resist. The spirit was willing, but oh, the flesh was weak :oops:


Thanks Phydeaux3, I had oil of clove which I was dabbing on with a cotton bud but it didn't seem to work very well, I think it's just too severe for that. So I bought some dental gel for £5 which anaesthetises the area for ten to twenty minutes at a time, thus providing some respite from the pain. Thank you so much for your top tip though, it's appreciated.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:35 am 
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Dear Calvin,

Have you seen that American Pie movie where the guy accidentally glues his hand onto his private parts?

Well...

Lets just say I'm typing with one hand right now.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 8:15 am 
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Dear Calvin - -

My favorite sandwich used to be peanut butter and jelly. But now I find myself stealing bagels with havarti in the middle of the night. What's got into me?? :shock:

doc rn

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Everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh. Every night we'd contribute, 2, 3, 4 boogers. We had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. There was some goober ones that weren't even hard...


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 9:53 am 
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Dear Calvin,

Do you have any household tips on how to tell in advance how bad a fart is going to smell? I'm having guests for dinner tonight and I'm feeling pretty gassy.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:35 am 
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feetlightup wrote:
Dear Calvin,

Do you have any household tips on how to tell in advance how bad a fart is going to smell? I'm having guests for dinner tonight and I'm feeling pretty gassy.


Yes Cal, this would be helpful for all of us. Feets, while we await Cal's pearls, I'd consider borrowing a friend's dog for the evening, so in case any escaping fart is quite toxic you can at least make a big deal of blaming the dog and moving it outside.


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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 11:57 am 
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Uncle Bernie wrote:
feetlightup wrote:
Dear Calvin,

Do you have any household tips on how to tell in advance how bad a fart is going to smell? I'm having guests for dinner tonight and I'm feeling pretty gassy.


Yes Cal, this would be helpful for all of us. Feets, while we await Cal's pearls, I'd consider borrowing a friend's dog for the evening, so in case any escaping fart is quite toxic you can at least make a big deal of blaming the dog and moving it outside.


But alas, as the dog goes outside, so goes the alibi.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 12:52 pm 
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I have a friend who insists on skating in the parking lot without any skates. How can I keep him from ending up in traction?

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:57 pm 
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RUI wrote:
Dear Calvin,

Have you seen that American Pie movie where the guy accidentally glues his hand onto his private parts?

Well...

Lets just say I'm typing with one hand right now.


My advice:

Glue the other hand in the same place. Type with your nose while filming it. Send in to youtube and become a sensation.

It's either that, or some really nasty skin grafts.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 3:59 pm 
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Ronny's Noomies wrote:
Dear Calvin - -

My favorite sandwich used to be peanut butter and jelly. But now I find myself stealing bagels with havarti in the middle of the night. What's got into me?? :shock:

doc rn


Bagels with havarti. Duh.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:06 pm 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
Ronny's Noomies wrote:
Dear Calvin - -

My favorite sandwich used to be peanut butter and jelly. But now I find myself stealing bagels with havarti in the middle of the night. What's got into me?? :shock:

doc rn


Bagels with havarti. Duh.

Is he a doctor or an rn???

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:08 pm 
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feetlightup wrote:
Uncle Bernie wrote:
feetlightup wrote:
Dear Calvin,

Do you have any household tips on how to tell in advance how bad a fart is going to smell? I'm having guests for dinner tonight and I'm feeling pretty gassy.


Yes Cal, this would be helpful for all of us. Feets, while we await Cal's pearls, I'd consider borrowing a friend's dog for the evening, so in case any escaping fart is quite toxic you can at least make a big deal of blaming the dog and moving it outside.


But alas, as the dog goes outside, so goes the alibi.

Chug some of that Mylanta yer wallowin' in.

:x blaming animals grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :x

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:13 pm 
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feetlightup wrote:
Dear Calvin,

Do you have any household tips on how to tell in advance how bad a fart is going to smell? I'm having guests for dinner tonight and I'm feeling pretty gassy.


I'm not sure if you're familiar with the leading science in this field.

A British scientist, Sir Robert Buttsnore the 3rd, has discovered that the odiferousness of the flatulence is entirely opposite in correlation to the said embarrassment said fart would cause. So it really depends on if you are trying to impress someone or not.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:45 pm 
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What would Plato say?

Should one strive toward doing the right thing(reporting on a law breaker) if it it means losing the trust of another and thus causing a social and emotional rift?

Image

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You just don't understand, You're from Kalamazoo.

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 6:05 pm 
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sabrinaIII wrote:
I have a friend who insists on skating in the parking lot without any skates. How can I keep him from ending up in traction?


Order at least 2000 free samples of that foam mattress Termpur-pedic stuff. Apply liberally to parking lot.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 9:22 am 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
slime.oofytv.set wrote:
yo' cal, times are tough all over, ya know, those fuckers down on 17th street upped their ask to 35 bucks a bag, sheee-it, bro' it's out-fucking-rageous... so cal, like, ya gotta better connecto for me ¿¿
I'm assuming you have already checked the Sunday ads for valuable coupons. Failing that, go to 1713 16th street, ring the bell that says "Haberdashers". Walk up to the 30th floor. Knock on the left door facing the right interior walkway three times. They might be able to help you.

those clowns asked me for a presciption ... hey, dr. nooms, can ya sling me a script for a coupla bags

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 11:13 am 
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slime.oofytv.set wrote:
calvin2hikers wrote:
slime.oofytv.set wrote:
yo' cal, times are tough all over, ya know, those fuckers down on 17th street upped their ask to 35 bucks a bag, sheee-it, bro' it's out-fucking-rageous... so cal, like, ya gotta better connecto for me ¿¿
I'm assuming you have already checked the Sunday ads for valuable coupons. Failing that, go to 1713 16th street, ring the bell that says "Haberdashers". Walk up to the 30th floor. Knock on the left door facing the right interior walkway three times. They might be able to help you.

those clowns asked me for a presciption ... hey, dr. nooms, can ya sling me a script for a coupla bags


Wait...you didn't say it was a medical situation......is it?

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 12:06 pm 
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slime.oofytv.set wrote:
calvin2hikers wrote:
slime.oofytv.set wrote:
yo' cal, times are tough all over, ya know, those fuckers down on 17th street upped their ask to 35 bucks a bag, sheee-it, bro' it's out-fucking-rageous... so cal, like, ya gotta better connecto for me ¿¿
I'm assuming you have already checked the Sunday ads for valuable coupons. Failing that, go to 1713 16th street, ring the bell that says "Haberdashers". Walk up to the 30th floor. Knock on the left door facing the right interior walkway three times. They might be able to help you.

those clowns asked me for a presciption ... hey, dr. nooms, can ya sling me a script for a coupla bags

Calvin is right. You need a bonafide medical use for those bags, friend. However, I do have some nice windowpane for ya, and a few clinical sugar cubes left from the 88 shows in Chicago.....

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Everytime we picked a booger we'd flip it on this one winduh. Every night we'd contribute, 2, 3, 4 boogers. We had to use a putty knife, man, to get them damn things off the winduh. There was some goober ones that weren't even hard...


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PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 2:29 pm 
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Dear Cal:
............ I am watching a DVD of King Crimson in 2000. After seeing what Trey Gunn looked like with a full head of hair, and no mustache, got me wondering....
Do you think Feetlightup should shave his head, grow a big, black moustache, and go on tour?

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PostPosted: Sun Jan 11, 2009 3:27 pm 
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just plain doug wrote:
Dear Cal:
............ I am watching a DVD of King Crimson in 2000. After seeing what Trey Gunn looked like with a full head of hair, and no mustache, got me wondering....
Do you think Feetlightup should shave his head, grow a big, black moustache, and go on tour?


Although I am not familiar with any of King Crimson's oeuvre, anything that would precipitate such a marvelous happening would be most agreeable.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 07, 2009 10:09 pm 
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Milton Bradley wrote:
What would Plato say?

Should one strive toward doing the right thing(reporting on a law breaker) if it it means losing the trust of another and thus causing a social and emotional rift?

Image


I say yes, because the episode of Diff'rent Strokes told me so.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 6:13 am 
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Calvin,
My brother is a habitual liar. When confronted about his ridiculous stories, he denies he is lying. It's maddening not to be able to believe your own brother. What can I do?

Seeking the truth in Toledo


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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 12:26 pm 
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adamsoon wrote:
Calvin,
My brother is a habitual liar. When confronted about his ridiculous stories, he denies he is lying. It's maddening not to be able to believe your own brother. What can I do?

Seeking the truth in Toledo


As a person who tests well above genius levels, was voted one of "Top 10 World's Hunkiest Men", and leaves any woman quivering in waves of orgasmic ecstasy, it's hard for me to relate to any defects in human beings. But as I am a PHD to the third power, I'll try and answer your question. Any time you anticipate he is participating in a prevarication, say "Uh uh!" over and over until he gets tired of it and tells you the truth.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 1:55 pm 
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Calvin,
I desperately want to know where I go when I eat my sandwich in the dark. If it helps, I prefer a meatball sub.

Sincerely,
Hungry With The Lights Out.

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PostPosted: Sat Mar 21, 2009 4:59 pm 
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thatstuffisverybadforyou wrote:
Calvin,
I desperately want to know where I go when I eat my sandwich in the dark. If it helps, I prefer a meatball sub.

Sincerely,
Hungry With The Lights Out.


If I understand you correctly.........no, I don't.

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