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calvin2hikers
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 2:34 am 
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Mary Poppins has retired. She moved to Los Angeles and now is a fortune teller who can read bad breath. The sign out front read....

Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis

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KAPT.KIIRK
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 7:33 am 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
Mary Poppins has retired. She moved to Los Angeles and now is a fortune teller who can read bad breath. The sign out front read....

Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis

That almost sounds precocieus.(and is old as a precambrian one celled hammond organisim) :lol:

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coevad
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 7:56 am 
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Jokes about a woman's menstrual cycle are just NOT FUNNY. Period!

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AGuyWithAWrench
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 11:28 am 
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coevad wrote:
Jokes about a woman's menstrual cycle are just NOT FUNNY. Period!


Spot on!

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phydeaux3
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 10:48 pm 
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KAPT.KIIRK
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 18, 2013 10:53 pm 
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Police investigating a supposed sex crime in a bank said: "There was a big deposit,then a slow withdrawl,at which time everyone involved lost interest". {-

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Trip
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 25, 2013 10:32 pm 
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coevad
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 26, 2013 4:15 pm 
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How do you circumsize a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

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The_Acadian_2
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:22 am 
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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

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coevad
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Apr 06, 2013 9:52 am 
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What do you call an abortion in Prague?

A cancelled Czech.

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BBP
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 2:41 am 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITZiZcHfj8s&list=PLagyxbJHFyL11iTef4c6ALIDsD--nXkel&index=24

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calvin2hikers
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 1:07 pm 
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BBP wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITZiZcHfj8s&list=PLagyxbJHFyL11iTef4c6ALIDsD--nXkel&index=24


These are great. I stumbled upon Simon The Cat when we were watching our nephew one day, and he loved these. The one where Simon tries to eat the frog was his favorite, it's probably the hardest I've ever heard him laugh.

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Gray_Ghost
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Apr 07, 2013 9:52 pm 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
BBP wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITZiZcHfj8s&list=PLagyxbJHFyL11iTef4c6ALIDsD--nXkel&index=24


These are great. I stumbled upon Simon The Cat when we were watching our nephew one day, and he loved these. The one where Simon tries to eat the frog was his favorite, it's probably the hardest I've ever heard him laugh.


Cheers BBP, the cat took me by surprise and I exhaled coffee out of my nose........great stuff......the cat needs his/her own thread

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just plain doug
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Apr 22, 2013 1:36 pm 
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A man wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot. The doctor
comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now
you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be ok, you'll walk again and everything, but your penis was
severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."

The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance
compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis.
They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
The man perks up.

"So," the doctor says, "You must decide how many inches you want. But I
understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is
something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before
and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine
incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might
be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a
decision."

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.
The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes I have," says the man.

"And has she helped you make a decision?"

"Yes" says the man.

"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.

"We're getting granite countertops."

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Mr_Green_Genes
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 12:36 pm 
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Location: Fountain of Love
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KAPT.KIIRK
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 1:40 pm 
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Mr_Green_Genes wrote:
Image

That looks like a young Russian Tortoise. I've got one that's about 12" long and 8" wide. His names Lightnin'. Very cool pet. I found him walking down the street in Davis about 5 yrs. ago and I even have an add in the local paper trying to get him a play date. He gets lonely in the springtime! :)

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Mr_Green_Genes
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 2:34 pm 
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Find him a snail buddy!

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KAPT.KIIRK
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 3:03 pm 
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Mr_Green_Genes wrote:
Find him a snail buddy!

It would have to be a snail gigantus or I'd need a dozen or so small escargot sized ones! Maybe I'll get him a wabbit instead, I mean a hare :wink:

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Mr_Green_Genes
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 4:02 pm 
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KAPT.KIIRK
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 5:49 pm 
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Now your talkin'! LMAO! :mrgreen:

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Gray_Ghost
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 09, 2013 9:33 pm 
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Good morning class today I want you to use contagious in a sentence

Miss, Yes Doug, laughter is contagious miss, very good Doug,
Miss Miss Yes Kiirk, Plook has a cold he is contagious, excellent Kiirk, any body else,
Miss Miss Miss yes Plook, our neighbour is contagious, he's painting his house with a one inch paint brush, my dad says it's going to take the cunt ages...... :twisted:

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Thanks for the music Frank.

Well I'm about to get sick from watching my TV
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coevad
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:18 pm 
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Gray_Ghost wrote:
Good morning class today I want you to use contagious in a sentence

Miss, Yes Doug, laughter is contagious miss, very good Doug,
Miss Miss Yes Kiirk, Plook has a cold he is contagious, excellent Kiirk, any body else,
Miss Miss Miss yes Plook, our neighbour is contagious, he's painting his house with a one inch paint brush, my dad says it's going to take the cunt ages...... :twisted:

Well done volcano head :smoke:

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Gray_Ghost
 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri May 10, 2013 4:54 pm 
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coevad wrote:
Gray_Ghost wrote:
Good morning class today I want you to use contagious in a sentence

Miss, Yes Doug, laughter is contagious miss, very good Doug,
Miss Miss Yes Kiirk, Plook has a cold he is contagious, excellent Kiirk, any body else,
Miss Miss Miss yes Plook, our neighbour is contagious, he's painting his house with a one inch paint brush, my dad says it's going to take the cunt ages...... :twisted:

Well done volcano head :smoke:



Your very welcome

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Thanks for the music Frank.

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