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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 2:26 am 
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Where do Floridians wash their clothes?
In Fort Launderdale.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 2:27 am 
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Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in tents.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 2:29 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 12:15 pm 
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^^^ Dog's bestest friend ever!... I love you man! No really,hold still,I love you man! People are so much fun to fuck with! Get my stick,go on get it! Thats a good human. :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 6:28 pm 
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Why do women have two hands?

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and why do men have two hands?


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed May 30, 2012 7:08 pm 
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So far, my car only has hands-free telephone.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu May 31, 2012 1:26 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 04, 2012 1:13 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 06, 2012 1:00 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 07, 2012 5:21 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Jun 10, 2012 5:56 pm 
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A social worker visits an inner-city mom. She has 26 children, and he quickly learns that they are all named "Leroy". The social worker inquires as to whether or not that creates confusion. The mom says, "no, when it's supper time, I say 'Leroys, wash your hands' and 26 Leroys go and wash their hands....when it's time for chores, I say, 'Leroys, go do your chores', and 26 Leroys go and do their chores".

"What happens when you need to discipline one of them.....how do you make sure the right one knows that you are talking to him?", the social worker asks.

The mom answered, "In that case, I would call them by their last name".

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 11, 2012 8:01 am 
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And the moral is --- ?

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their
parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The
next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies
saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that only
Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a
Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to
bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of
whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break,
and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi
troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of
bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and
then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands."

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy
tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't Fuck with Mommy when she's been drinking."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 4:56 am 
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Location: EINDHOVEN
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 12, 2012 8:09 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:45 am 
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The Dutch football team should start a whipped cream factory: easy to beat.
The Dutch team should opt for that new paper grass: after all, they're a good team on paper.
Van Persie's girlfriend stopped taking birth control pills. He can't get it in anyway.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 14, 2012 10:58 am 
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.
...
"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:21 am 
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Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."

"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!"

Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

---------------------

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed in a fire. So we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

---------------------

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

---------------------

4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

----------------------

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

----------------------

6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one).

-----------------------

7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 5:50 am 
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just plain doug wrote:
4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


Cut it out Doug, you're killing me...softly with your thong


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 3:08 pm 
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Uncle Bernie wrote:
just plain doug wrote:
4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."


Cut it out Doug, you're killing me...softly with your thong

The thong remains the thame...you thilly thavage. :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:24 pm 
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Doug, I hope those jokes came free with some Chinese dollar store cereal. They hurt the bad part of my colon and my cat just ate a handful of mescaline. :(

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:40 pm 
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Teach that cat to share!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 15, 2012 6:55 pm 
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.Reasoning with a cat is like talking to a contractor. Just more urine-intensive

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 22, 2012 4:25 pm 
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Location: Billy, the mountain...
An old rancher is talking about politics with a young man from the city. He compares a politician to a "post turtle". The young man doesn't understand and asks him what a post turtle is.

The old man says, "When you're driving down a country road and you see a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle. You know he didn't get up there by himself. He doesn't belong there; he can't get anything done while he's up there; and you just want to help the poor, dumb thing down."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 23, 2012 1:13 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 25, 2012 7:21 am 
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Pal of mine's got five dicks.
Condoms fit him like a glove.


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