Hello Ladies & Gentlemen.
This is Lesley Jane.
A lot of responses here, I see. Some of them decidedly "don't confuse me
with the facts, I have my mind made up"... but some of them, Some of
them, Really Usin The Ol Noodle! Particular mention goes to Punky, whom,
if I do not already know you, I'm pretty sure I want to. Punky showed
an astounding acumen of 'the ins and outs of interaction with the deceased', I was rather impressed!
..enough so that I wonder, well, who the heck has Punky been channeling?
Punky, Punky, give me your lips tonight. Oops, I did it again. Sorry, could
not resist it, being at least the level of Zappa fan I am.
What's a Beanybopper? Shutup Frank, you'll get your turn.
I should make a few things clear since we see we actually did succeed,
Frank and I, in 'getting you thinking'.
No, I'm not fake. I'm for real, and what I do has plenty of limitations,
and I'll attempt to explain that in 80 words or less. Rotsa Ruck.
As far as asking for information outside the scope of that which I know,
forget that shit. I can't even do that with Lennon, and I've channeled
him now for over 20 years.
As far as channeling Frank goes, I have no doubt that there are quite
a few musicians out there who would be better suited for this endeavor;
to channel one of the greatest musicians of all time.
Don't get me wrong, Lennon is one of the all time greats too.
But he's a bit easier to keep up with.
Now, this song, "Got Me Thinking"...existed entiredly in Frank's
imagination before we recorded it. Literally, I heard Zappa singing it
in my head and then Frank was asking me "I got it, wanna do it?"
So I said yeah.
Now. About Channeling. It is not a "pantsload" if the person doing it
is for real, which I am. Here's a simple rule of thumb, for assessing
not only channelers, but pretty much EVERYBODY you ever have
to stop and wonder about. You ask yourself, Okay, What ARE They
Selling? I'm actually not selling anything, you see. I haven't had CDs
out for sale since Ampcast went down over a year ago I think it was.
Oh yeah, on my sites there's links to a bunch of Cafe Press stores
with a whole bunch of nonsense no one buys anyway, except the
rabbit bumper sticker, people seem to like that one for some reason.
Right. All this so was so you'd buy a bunny bumper sticker.
Turn your head and cough, please.
Long and short, I'm not selling anything. Not selling you the concept
of channeling either, only trying to explain what it is when it is for real,
and what's involved in it. It's actually not as mystical and out of reach
as most people seem to think.
Still gonna keep it brief, 'cause otherwise I'll just yack for hours.
The "wall" between the "living" and the "dead" is actually a heckuva lot
thinner than the common social convention of thinking at present
would have you believe.
Time was, centuries ago, when a lot more of the populace felt a tangible
connection to their deceased, much more than today.
Since those older times of awareness also led though to things like, oh,
witch trials, it was sort of a blessing that the mainstream populace
moved away from taking any of this "otherworldly" stuff seriously.
I didn't appear here in any attempt whatsoever to promote ANYTHING.
I used to try to promote myself, but I just got tired of it. I'm 47 years
old, and my attitude is "fuck it, I'm already famous enough".
And I am, so whooopee doooopee, we have'um fun.
No, really; I was world famous before I ever came here.
Bully for me. Point is, I didn't need to come here to be famous.
Some people know me as "America's Secret Weapon" and some
know me as "Lennon's lackey" (which I am NOT, by the way)
but around this rather large small world after all, I'm known in
all kinds of places, many of which I may never see.
I'm kinda at the point now, where if my life were over,
I could still be happy, 'cause I got to do more good for the world
than most people get even the chance to do. So I'm okay, see.
I'm okay with my life and what I've done with it.
Coming here to the Zappa Bored is no act of promotion.
Ya'll are the last lot on Earth I'd try that with.
(Zappa Bored? a play on words of course. Zappa's fans are by nature
bored with the 'same old shit' which is why we like Frank)
Basically, The Best Thing that's happened as a result of my doing
some work with Frank, is that indeed; we Got You Thinking.
We're happy about that. You should think.
You're not generally encouraged to.
Consider this a Commercial for: "Thinking. Try it. Stupid."
Now, if you visited Frank's place
(where the origin of why we even appeared is spelled out, as it
sort of is here in this whole string of posts)
then you read what Frank said, namely,
"if these songs get any downloads whatsoever, I'll do another free
record every Halloween".
It's a labor of love. Frank did score downloads, so he'll return with
what he says will be a more "statistically dense" work than "Got
Me Thinking" which was "as dense as I could go with Les at this time"
The only way I would embark into channeling Frank on a full-time
professional basis, is if Dweezil or any of them actually asked me
to join with them on some project, then that I would do.
Actually, it would be a heluva lot easier to channel Frank WITH
his family around; it'd bring him out all the more.
Channeling isn't exactly something I "do", per se...
it's more something I do by "not doing"; by getting out of the way.
Being dead can be comfortable in a way, (people are just dying
to get there) and in the beginning,
it was alot for Frank to work on Dead Man's Holiday.
He wasn't use to the "push" you need to do shit in physicality.
But with the whole upchuck of hullaballoo that went on here on
the Frank Zappa Bored, he sorta took this deep breath and said
"I guess I gotta give 'em more than that".
And I said "what then?"
Frank then said, "Get back to you on that".
And then when he did come back, I could hear this Zappa record,
that sounded like a combination of Waka Jawaka and Overnight Sensation,
oh it sure sounded like Zappa to the nines, so I went with it.
Shit, just to HEAR the fucker.
I mean, that's what it is to me. It's "WOW, this is COOL!".
I appreciate what I do, beats the hell outa what's coming out of
the Major Labels; for my ears preferred pet sounds.
I do it just to have better music than I can get out of a store.
Same reason I channel Lennon. Maybe YOU don't want New Beatle records, but I decided a long time ago, when St. John's Ghost 'Henry
The Eighth-ed" me into submission, "it's worth it just to hear new
fuckin beatle records".
I am not, Ladies & Gentlemen, The Quintessential Zappa Fan.
No way Jose. My brother is a lot more that than I.
That'd be Whitney, who played with L. Shankar.
If any of you don't know L. Shankar and his relationship to Zappa,
all I can say is you don't know what you're missing.
Whitney does know Frank better'n I do. Whitney does not channel though.
I'm a musician, one who's been to his/her share of Zappa concerts.
I have enough on the ball that I could in fact, work with Frank on
one of his more 'statistically dense' pieces, but it would definitely
take me all week just to do one piece like that...and I have other
things I do you know.
("try all fucking month, Les" said Gregory Peccary.)
Frank has made this promise to you, his fans.
(and yes, you're supposed to be skeptical, but you're also supposed
to be able to detect *moisture* when your leg is peed on)
What promise? Um, the one I already mentioned.
"if our stuff get's downloaded" (which it has, quite a bit, and Frank
thanks ALL of you for at least Braving The Listen) "I'll do another
free record every Halloween".
It's not meant to be a big Zappa movement, but if it begins a movement
of mental actitivity in Zappa fans, Frank's okay with that.
It's just Frank, sayin hi. And I was able, so I let him.
Someone pointed out "if the guy thinks he's channeling Frank,
then I suppose this would be the place to post about it".
I have no problem with you all thinking of me as "thinking I channel"
or whatnot else.
You only KNOW something like this, when you've done it so many
years, that all the clues that everyone else miss daily,
become visible. And generally, those are hard to explain things.
Your knowing becomes very subjective indeed, making it hard
to go "UGH. It's There. It's a Chair".
It's a chair alright, but an invisible one that'll drop you on your ass
if you aren't at least somewhat respectful about what you're sitting on.
But okay, you want an example, those of you thinking.
I said the wall tween living and dead was thin...
What you also may not know, is that the wall between each other
is also thinner than you think.
We're not only "All Connected".
We can't escape each other if we fucking try.
Yeah, damn scary thought.
This of course comes as a bit of a chagrin to some people.
I myself try my best to deal with it.
I mean, the more you see Life's One-ness,
the more you're expected by The Universe to educate the others.
And you all see how much fun THAT is.
Someone asked Frank "why a rock song?"
Frank said "why the fuck NOT a rock song?"
Right off the bat, if you're gonna be suspicious, be suspicious (we suggest)
of ANYONE telling you How You Should Ought Be Thinking.
And yes, that would include us, just now.
So be suspicious that we TOLD you to think, because we might be
only trying to get you NOT to think, for all you know. Haha.
Figure us out now. LOL
Beware of folks like that, be very ware. Sure, fine, Beware of me then.
And Frank too, Beware as Hell of Frank, Yikes.
Put it this way, he's not a guy I want mad at me.
Okay, take a deep breath. Mommy's here. Shhh.
It's okay. Think. Don't think. Whatever you want. Eat your ice cream.
The Message is: there is no message, eat your ice cream.
Ladies & Gentlemen, I do know a thing or two that didn't come
in the manual, but that's my blessing and my curse.
You needn't believe a damn thing I've said. I don't really care.
My place, my part in all this, was simply to say it.
It's no big deal; the dead have interacted with the living all along.
We're just too fucking dense, most of us, to realize it's happening.
And here's another News Flash bound to give you the hot and itchies
under the collar:
You're All Dead.
WE ARE All Dead.
What do I mean by that?
THIS is what I mean.
THE PART OF YOU, that isn't a body, but an Aware Consciousness?
Yeah, that's it. Call it "The Soul" call it "Arf",
call it "Snidely Bugfucker" if you're weird; shut UP Frank,
you'll get your turn.
Your Inner Essense thing? Yeah that. Your Soul.
It's DEAD, Jim; Or, IT IS the part of you that is REALLY alive,
and it is in the realm; is housed and seated in the realm,
of that which is Not Phyiscal.
The Soul is not in physicality to begin with.
The Soul EXISTS IN The "realm of...it's over therrrrrrre"
it is Seated in this realm. Or moreover, peeking out into this realm,
while truly being seated elsewhere. See? Not easy shit to explain.
So really, when one dies, one's already there,
one just leaves the wetsuit floatin in the ocean,
having now climbed back up onto the shore.
Now, I have, since I saw some intelligent life, tried to take some
of the mystery around all this.
For this effort, no doubt some yahoo will come along again saying
all kinds of "world is flat" stuff, as someone was sharp enough to
point out to the guy who thinks in
'pre-wrapped slices for your protection".
Be very suspicious of ANYONE telling you HOW to think.
And since we just told you TO think, you may be suspicious of us
too, just as long as you don't suppose us as the only thing to
warrant a thought process.
If you're suspicious of me, then fine, be suspicious of me.
Knock yourself out. But again, what am I selling?
I'm not selling anything. American Lesley Jane music is free.
BEATLESEX music is free. Now Frankenzappa music is free too.
I'm fuckin weird like that. Don't ask me why, I don't know.
By profession, I'm my own artist,
and I work with Lennon, for over twenty years.
My work with Frank is actually complete 'till next year.
Frank made one more of Jay's records, another Halloween record,
but now Frank Zappa has stated to me, that he will indeed NOT record
any more Jay Dyall records, because Jay didn't let him do it
the way he wants to. See, Frank put this big huge *BELCH* at
the beginning of the one we're about to release "On Halloween".
And this morning we learned, Jay didn't like the belch, and wants
it off the recording that'll go on his page. We told him, okay,
but it's goin out the way Frank wanted it on his page, and Frank
won't do any more records for you, Jay.
So that's that.
You just can't tell Frank Zappa how to make his records,
it just doesn't work like that.
The version the way Frank wanted it, will be out soon at Frank's place;
Again, if anyone in the Zappa family has any issue whatsoever with me,
with Frank, with Frank coming through me, with me daring to tell
Frank's fans about this (this did seem to be the place to say it)
well they are more than free to contact me;
we can be reached through any of our sites.
Whether it's American Lesley Jane;
While I may not be the perennial Zappa fan,
I do love Frank Zappa enough to be glad, even despite the doodie storm,
to have shared this occurrence with you all.
So I hope you've enjoyed it, and since it has been downloaded---
way more than I thought it would be for that matter---
Frank's up to try it again next year.
And I'll help him.
Channeling, Ladies & Gentlemen,
is not a matter of 'something I have that you don't'.
Anyone could do it, if they only knew that they can.
It sure isn't for everyone though... there's some creepy fuckin dead
people out there, just as sure as there as some creepy fuckin
living people out there.
Someone asked Frank what he thought of 9-11,
or moreover what he thought was behind it.
Now, here is where I'll do "Channeling",
and all it is, is, I'll get out of the way.
Go Ahead Frank.
Within these hyphenated lines is Frank's response.
Am I supposed to say "Hi Again" or something like that?
It's sort of all the same day after a while, isn't it?
Well okay Ladies & Gentlemen, HI! How ARE You?
This is Uncle Remus eating a Burnt Weenie Sandwich.
I exist, whether you grant me that privelege or not, thanks.
You all need to keep in mind, that, well, I'm actually a lot smarter
than Lesley is, so my capacity is limited.
By the size of the boat I am in currently in order to say this.
Hello Operator? Give me back my beer and reconnect me to Ajax.
Still, she's (Lesley is) smarter than most, so I'll make an attempt at it.
What was behind 9-11, was pretty obvious. A bunch of pissed-off Muslims
caught us with our pants around our ankles. Knerps For Moisture.
WHY IT HAPPENED is
the question that everyone's missing the point about.
Don't get mortified, Les, these aren't Government Secrets
I'm revealing here. People have a short memory is all.
Did you know
that the United States once upon a time helped CREATE The Taliban?
They did. It was to help Afghanistan at the time, at war with Iran
or someone... Lesley's knowledge of this is sketchy at best.
So that's what I'm workin with here.
So what's that mean? It means, years later, it was an embarrassement
that we'd ever done that----mighta seemed a good idea at the time----
but since then The Taliban just became another corrupt power....
only this one we PUT there. Yeah. Oops, I did it again.
(Britney, be very glad I'm not making records full time, Dear)
So whatever was in the wind around that time of warning
that a bunch of pissed-off Muslims were gonna take a lil trip....
got soundly ignored and written off.
Because it was unthinkable.
Now, I haven't changed THAT much. I'm not about to do a fucking
commercial for the United States Government; I'll leave that to
you Les, if it's all the same, Hon.
At the same time, I'm not gonna throw shit at them just because some
fan of mine expects me to throw shit compunctorily. I'm sorry,
I meant Perfunctorily. Told you; limited by what Lesley knows.
But you wanna know what I think? That's it,
it happened because we didn't believe it could happen,
and that was only bodacious ignorance on the part of too many men
in too many expensive suits, all assuming that the monster they made
would not come back and bite them on the ass.
The pissed-off Muslims, it would seem, did not follow the Washington DC
Code of "you wash my back, I'll wash yours".
That, is what never occurred to the United States Government at
that time. Please do not get pissed at either Lesley, or myself, one
Frank Zappa in the altogether, because I point out some basic points,
which are inavoidable, and in fact can be of service to you,
United States Government;
It was a mistake MAKING the Taliban,
But it was a bigger mistake turning your back on them afterwards.
Point made. Point taken, hopefully.
Okay, I heard someone thinking, and yes, you can hear thoughts
in this realm of "where's my pants" but again, I am limited by
Lesley's capability. The thought I just heard, was one that is easy
to imagine, and not outside the scope of what would occur to Lesley.
Someone thought, "do you have any advice for us Frank?"
So now you want to blame all your life's problems on me when it
doesn't go the way you planned, is that it?
Here's a word of advise, if we got you thinking, then keep thinking.
If we did not, then get out of the car, kick your own ass,
get back in, and drive away with a brand new clue.
Let someone else think for you,
and you are headed for Poodletown.
Population.....growing too fast to post a number to.
That's about all I want to say at this point and juncture.
That Lesley is willing to accomodate us if my kids wanna work
on some project with me, is kind and is brave, and I'll even give her
"is noble too" ...Happy, Les?
She's okay. Bit naive and trusting, but okay.
She...she... female entity; male body, is how that works out.
And if you want density more statistical than GOT ME THINKING was
you'll have to wait till next Halloween. I'm all spooked-out and it's
not even the 31st yet. Boo, and Fuck Off.
Don't ask me questions I don't know the answer to.
God is like Oz.
That, and the Federal Government;
Information is on a need-to-know basis.
I would like to attempt some of my more elaborate compositions
(what do you think I've been doing all this time since I croaked?)
when the time is right for that. I don't know when that is.
Perhaps by next Halloween. It might take her that long to decipher
all my notes. Sorry, Les, I don't mean to be insulting, but even you
know what I mean. Yeah Hon, even you. Heheh.
She's just like a Pengiun In Bondage, Boy.
Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah,
Oh fuck, now I've gone and made her FEEL BAD.
She's actually not one I want to upset anymore than she wants
to upset me, truth be told.
"I'm nice enough to help you, and you just insult me"
I don't mean to insult you... I'll work on that, Lesley Dear.
Okay, that'll be the end of my whatever this was.
This is Frank Zappa here with the Mother of Invention Herself.
Only I get to call her by her first name. Necessity.
Well apparently she is, though what that might entail I care not
to speculate 'cause it's way too late for guesswork.
She doesn't know WHAT the fuck I'm talking about.
Good, Les. Let's keep it that way. The light only has to shine,
it doesn't have to actually KNOW anything in particular.
That's all OUR headache, Virginia.
Regards to all the Lilliputians.
Love to those who miss me.
Actually, I really don't know what Frank's talking about there.
He's sort of over my head in some ways to begin with.
"Gee, ya think?"
Okay, Frank, you're smarter than me; insult translated.
I'm thinking there may indeed out here be some musicians better
suited for channeling Frank Zappa than I.
So, go do it then. If an idiot like me can do it, it can be done.
See ya, Ladies & Gentlemen.
Okay, maybe he IS smarter than me.
He doesn't have to be a condescending shit about it,
and neither does anyone else.
I was nice enough to do this,
and now I'm smart enough to, having issued clarity for those seeking,
Ease on down the road.
In conclusion Ladies & Gentlemen,
I've given you all the proof that exists to present.
Think whatever you want. No skin off my nose.