Burnt Weeny Sandwich
A Cleveland favorite since 1999
There are several things that are essential to have before even
beginning to cook this truly excellent dish.
1. You must be very involved in a project or projects which consume a
large amount of your time and are very intricate. Ie: composing
lengthy musical passages, rehearsing musical numbers, creating large
paintings, doing a production run of pottery, writing the important novel of
the 21st century.
2. You must be of very moderate means and have a minimum of kitchen
3. You must be very, very, very hungry.
1. The hot dog or weeny (weenie). Obtain the very best weeny which
will sweat and burn enough yet still stay firm enough. These can be
either the delicatessen style hot dog which contains a mixture of meat
products (mostly pork) and are pale in color and strung together. The
other is a type of hot dog I have only found in Cleveland. They are all
beef, but not kosher, red in color and bundled together in plastic shrink
wrap. They are heaven in natural casings. If you must, get those
terrible mixed chicken or turkey weiners. They are soft and barely
palatable and don't even burn right. Note for vegetarians: You can use the
veggie dogs, but I am not guaranteeing results.
2. The implement. Tongs are nice, and keep your hands cool. If you
are of moderate means, you won't have them, so use a fork. Use a pot
holder or an old towel wrapped around the fork, but only after it gets
hot. A fork will also pierce the weeny so that juices will run over your
heat source, causing flash back. This can be desirable if you like
your weenys very dark. Do tie your hair back, if it is long.
3. The heat source. Do not, under any circumstances use a charcoal
grill. This means you are not fulfilling the above requirments for
creating the Burnt Weeny Sandwich and are just a diletante or worse, a
yuppie. If you are using an open wood fire, you are a Boy Scout. The
preferred heat source is the gas range burner. An electric element can be used as well.
4. The container or receptacle. By no means is a bun neccesary or even
desirable. The very best wrapping is some cheap white bread of the
Wonder or lesser variety. This will act as a sponge to soak up any
drippings or burnt particles.
The execution of this dish is very simple. Open the package of
weenys. (biting the package if it proves resistant is exceptable) Secure the
weeny you select firmly on the fork. You must warm up the electric
element beforehand for maybe 5 minutes. With the gas range you just turn
the fire on when you are ready. Remember, to turn it ALL THE WAY UP!
Now you are ready for the burning experience.
Here comes the tricky part. How close to the fire (or element) do you
hold the weeny? This depends on whether you like your weenys rare,
medium or well done. Another consideration is whether you want the weeny
burnt on the outside, yet cool on the inside, evenly cooked all the
way, only burnt in places etc. Also, how hungry are you and how much of a
hurry are you in to return to your life's work? Experimentation is the
Secondly how do you get it cooked all over? This is where the electric
element has the advantage. Simply hold the hot dog over the entire
element. You should not have to move it around too much, just rotate it,
maybe hold the ends over the heat for a few seconds. With a gas
burner, constant moving is neccesary (unless you are really in a hurry. I
suggest eating them raw in that case) A back and forth motion as the
skin bubbbles and peels back is the way to go here. When you finish one
quadrant, rotate the hot dog to another uncooked side. Be sure as in
the case with the electric element to up end the weeny over the heat
source to make sure you have a proper all over burning.
Release your perfectly cooked weeny from its fork. Say ouch, since you
have used your bare hand to remove it. Nestle your burnt weeny in the
soft cushion of the slice of bread. Use no condiments, this is serious
eating. Otherwise you will lose the full enjoyment of the Burnt Weeny
Sandwich. If you are the manly no holds type of guy, just jam the
weeny sans bread into your mouth.
Now, for gods sake, GET BACK TO WORK!
Country music + Black music = Rock and Roll