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 Post subject: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 3:13 am 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 8427
Location: Wellington New Zealand
Ah Merry Christmas from New Zealand 12:12am local time.

not that I'm into time.


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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 9:18 am 
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Joined: Sat Feb 24, 2007 7:14 am
Posts: 18780
Location: Kitchener, Ontario, CANADA
Merry future-Christmas! (11 hours and 43 minutes to go, here).

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 10:51 am 
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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:31 pm
Posts: 713
13 hours 10 minutes to go here. I can't wait. :|


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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 1:26 pm 
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Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2005 3:03 pm
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Location: Pouting for you? Punky Meadows, pouting for you?!!
Merry Christmas at 7:56AM on Christmas Day from the South East of the planet.

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 Post subject: re: merry xmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 3:54 pm 
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Posts: 9590
kickin back in maui, sun is setting on xmas eve

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 4:10 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:11 am
Posts: 3512
SWEET!!!

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 4:17 pm 
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Joined: Tue Apr 04, 2006 10:21 am
Posts: 5203
Location: Rhineland
Mr. Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas
In the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs

They believe in Muhammad
And not in our holiday
And so every December
I go to the Middle East and say...

"Hey there Mr. Muslim
Merry fucking Christmas
Put down that book the Koran
And hear some holiday wishes.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday.
So get off your heathen Muslim ass
and fucking celebrate.

There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings
And that is just absurd!

They've never read a Christmas story.
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout...

Hey there Mr. Hinduist
Merry fucking Christmas
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus.

In case you haven't noticed
It's Jesus's birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass
and fucking celebrate!

Now I heard that in Japan
Everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods
And put needles in their skin.

On December 25th
All they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan
And walk around and say...

Hey there Mr. Shintoist
Merry fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum.

In case you haven't noticed
There's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus
And Merry fucking Christmas to you.

On Christmas day I travel `round the world and say,
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too,
Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 7:00 pm 
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Joined: Sun Apr 12, 2009 11:58 pm
Posts: 13142
Location: Home of The Mondavi Center.
Nice one you found slim.o.. Nice Zappa poem reworked by Rich Wagner.(RW not familiar) The poems far-out though and Fritz' is right on the mark to.
Happy Holidaze to one and all Zappa Freaks like us,everywhere,may Frank play you all an extended guitar solo in your dreams tonight and y'all all wake to new SG's & a New Year full of Frank Zappa releases from the ZFT!...Whew! :D Salud & Peace,KK 8)

Edit: Don't forget your sunscreen slime.o. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 8:20 pm 
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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2011 12:31 pm
Posts: 713
Feliz Navidad, Madre Plookers! :D :) 8) :lol: :wink: :mrgreen: :smoke:


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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sat Dec 24, 2011 11:13 pm 
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Joined: Sun Nov 03, 2002 8:06 pm
Posts: 1992
Location: Canada
marry Xmas :)

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 3:51 am 
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Joined: Wed Apr 05, 2006 11:11 pm
Posts: 3565
Location: Vancouver, BC
I'm not religious...but Merry Christmas everyone. :)

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 4:40 am 
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Posts: 1657
Location: The Dangerous Kitchener
It's 7:38am so Happy Fuckin' Christmas to all you humans!
All the rest of you, the secret is to keep banging those rocks together.

:mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 1:14 pm 
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Posts: 176
Location: Novi, Michigan
Happy Festivus to you all!

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 Post subject: re: merry christmas
PostPosted: Sun Dec 25, 2011 11:24 pm 
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Posts: 9590
  1. there are approximately 2 billion children [persons under 18] in the world, however, since santa doesn't visit children of muslim, hindu, shinto, jewish, taoist, krishna or buddhist religions [as eloquently noted by my_name_is_fritz], this reduces the workload for christmas night to approx. 15% of the total, or 378 million [according to the population reference bureau]
    .
  2. at an average [census] rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming that there is at least one good child in each
    .
  3. santa has approx. 31 hours of christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west [which seems logical]; this works out to 967.7 visits per second ...for each christian household with a good child, santa has approx. 1/1000th of a second to:
    1. park the sleigh
    2. hop out
    3. slide down the chimney
    4. fill the stockings
    5. distribute the remaining presents under the tree
    6. eat whatever snacks have been left for him
    7. get his fat ass back up the chimney
    8. jump into the sleigh, and
    9. get on to the next house
    .
  4. assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth [which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations], we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks
    .
  5. this means santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second -- 3,000 times the speed of sound ... for purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run [at best] 15 miles per hour max.
    .
  6. the payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element; assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized lego set [2 pounds], the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting santa himself
    .
  7. on land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds; even granting that the 'flying' reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them -- santa would need 360,000 reindeer to move the sleigh
    .
  8. this increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the queen elizabeth [the ship, not the monarch]
    .
  9. 554,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second crates enormous air resistance -- this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere; the lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each … in short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake
    .
  10. the entire team of 360,000 reindeer would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time santa reached the 5th house on his trip
    .
  11. not that it matters, however, since santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 miles per second in 0.001 seconds, would be subjected to forces of 17,500 g's
    .
  12. a 250 pound santa [which seems ludicrously slim] would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo
    .
  13. therefore, if santa did exist, he's dead now

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 Post subject: Re: Merry Christmas
PostPosted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 2:52 pm 
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Joined: Thu Mar 05, 2009 5:48 pm
Posts: 19936
Location: Somewhere in time
Your forgetting Quantum Physics...Merry Christmas from the future... :smoke:


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