Zappa.com

Calvin is drowning in fan mail. His new series, Beaver Stampede, is an underground hit at nunneries all over the world.

Pope Jim is so old his SSN is 000-00-0002.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Calvin still hasn't figured out where to go on his vacation. It's almost over, dude. Get off the fucking computer! Drive somewhere! Go buy some sliders at White Castle!

Pope Jim's last vacation was to lay a wreath at grave of Whitcomb L Judson, who conceived the idea of the zipper.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

calvin2hikers couldn't take vacation due to the progress he has made on the lint ball he is creating from lint he has collected...

Plook tweezes the lint from his belly button nightly and sends it all to Calvin as a love offering. Their bromance is the stuff of immortal poetry.

Pope Jim once thought he saw the forest through the trees, but found it that it was a mirage maintained by Etruscan spies. (Well, spy. There's only one.)

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Calvin is Oklahoma's only Amish. And he even got a beard ... hallelujah.

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What's the ugliest part of your body ?

Fritz is correct when he says I live in Oklahoma. And he secretly plays his Carpenters discography every Saturday night.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Calvin gets a tear in his eye everytime he thinks of Richard Harris singing "MacArthur Park."

(It's supposed to be lies. Wet cake is a crime!!!)

Pope Jim once crawled through mud and barbed wire to get the last donut at Dunkin's annual Christmas party.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

calvin2hikers has been seen outside schools selling blackmarket Crispy Creme Donuts to children...

Plook boogies down to the Archies. "Aw honey, aw chooger chooger..." (He prefers the Juarez version.)

When Pope Jim quits the Mothers, he may join The Archies.

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ahhh...something to savor

Coevad can't distinguish between entrance and entrance and doesn't really care.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

calvin2hikers neighbors look at him differently now that they heard he has a not so secret basement...

Plook loves the weather in Chicago and is thinking of relocating permanently.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Calvin keeps a very friendly sheep in his storm shelter. He feeds her cheese and clover and sings Elton John songs to her.

Pope Jim has now supplanted Pope Julius III as the 6th worst pope ever.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Calvin hates blow jobs. If you offered to give him one, he would throw an ashtray at you.

Pope Jim has a huge knot on his head from an ashtray another unnamed forum member throw at him...

Plook would rather not discuss the summer or 78 that he was "waxing boards" on the beach.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday

Plook can't find his Camel half moon ashtray. He thought he left it in Calvin's storm cellar, but it's not there. So he takes a leak in Calvin's fondue pot and throws in some grated cheese to cover his tracks. That sheep in the corner sure looks pretty. Does Plook have time before his next audit? Baaaa-aa-aaaa!!

(Damn you, Calvin! Take a fucking break, will ya?)

Pope Jim will never get a real Pope since he's got nocturnal penile tumescences.

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What's the ugliest part of your body ?

Fritz and all other Germans use words like tumescences every day.

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You gotta give the people something good to read, on a Sunday