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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 11, 2013 2:06 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 14, 2013 10:58 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sun Feb 17, 2013 4:02 pm 
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What's the difference between a joke, and two dicks?

You can't take a joke.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 18, 2013 10:31 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 12:42 pm 
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Here's something funny. Go to dweezilzappaworld.com. Go to the group titled 'Bulletin Board'. Start reading from gary's Nov. post that starts with 'good morning america'. Read all posts after. There's some good comedy in there! :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 8:57 pm 
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coevad wrote:
Here's something funny. Go to dweezilzappaworld.com. Go to the group titled 'Bulletin Board'. Start reading from gary's Nov. post that starts with 'good morning america'. Read all posts after. There's some good comedy in there! :mrgreen:

Unless you like what Trendy Titone puts out,don't bother.It's the same old shit.Just the Roxy by Proxy most wonderfull and exciting newly creative marketing tool/ploy by the unredoubtable Mrs.Gail Zappa.Watch while he washes her feet with words of praise....I'm about to get sick........
If that's your cup of tea,join the fray. :roll:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Feb 22, 2013 9:27 am 
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KAPT.KIIRK wrote:
coevad wrote:
Here's something funny. Go to dweezilzappaworld.com. Go to the group titled 'Bulletin Board'. Start reading from gary's Nov. post that starts with 'good morning america'. Read all posts after. There's some good comedy in there! :mrgreen:

Unless you like what Trendy Titone puts out,don't bother.It's the same old shit.Just the Roxy by Proxy most wonderfull and exciting newly creative marketing tool/ploy by the unredoubtable Mrs.Gail Zappa.Watch while he washes her feet with words of praise....I'm about to get sick........
If that's your cup of tea,join the fray. :roll:


Ugh, no, The Fray is an awful band.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 5:46 am 
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o I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse … I guess Tesco just listened.
o Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?
o Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
o Waitress in Tesco asked if I wanted anything on my Burger … so I had a £5 each way bet!
o Had some burgers from Tesco for my tea last night … I still have a bit between my teeth.
o A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat burgers from Tesco. Her condition is said to be stable.
o Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.
o I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer ... AND THEY'RE OFF.
o Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.
o Said to the missus, “These Tesco burgers given me terrible trots."
o To beef or not to beef. That is equestrian.
o A cow walks into a bar. Barman says, “Why the long face?” Cow says “Illegal ingredients, coming over here stealing our jobs!”
o I hear the smaller version of those Tesco burgers make great horse d'oeuvres.


These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a dead …

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 12:47 pm 
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A Newfoundlander is driving down a road in St. Johns.

A sign in front of a restaurant reads:

HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL
Lobster Tail and Beer

'Lord tunderin' jaysus' he says to himself. 'Me 3 favourite tings!'

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:05 pm 
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The mother's name made me laugh...so it must be bad.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/vhnLk3TJWFY?rel=0

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 8:30 pm 
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^ :mrgreen: ^ I don't bring liquids near this thread and that's why. Hilarious jpd!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Feb 25, 2013 10:45 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 02, 2013 10:53 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:14 am 
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Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
**
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
**
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
**
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
**
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
**
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
**
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a type-O.
**
PMS jokes aren't funny: period.
**
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
**
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
**
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
**
Broken pencils are pointless.
**
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
**
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
**
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
**
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
**
Velcro — what a rip off!
**
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 2:08 pm 
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AGuyWithAWrench wrote:
When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.

PMS jokes aren't funny; period.

We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection urine trouble.

Broken pencils are pointless.

I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.

I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

Velcro - what a rip off!

A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.

Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!


I knew I'd heard those before....

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:43 pm 
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AGuyWithAWrench wrote:
[I knew I'd heard those before....

Yeah, but it's the short version, so it's, like, a totally different thing.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:29 pm 
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I heard a Jim Jones joke, but the punch line was too long.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:44 pm 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
I heard a Jim Jones joke, but the punch line was too long.

Your a sick man cal! (thats a good thing) lmao!!!! :twisted:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:55 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Mar 05, 2013 5:59 am 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 07, 2013 4:42 pm 
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Why did the semen cross the road?

I wore the wrong socks today.

Tony Clifton

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:03 pm 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZE8jVK7DY


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:50 pm 
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phydeaux3 wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lcZE8jVK7DY

Repete.I regognise the accidents and that Benny Hill type music. Still funny to watch! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Mar 09, 2013 10:51 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:23 pm 
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Pope Jim Emailed this to me.


A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.'

So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.'

When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?

'Uh...yeah!, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.

Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.

'I'd like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete with servants,' she said.

'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'

'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'

'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband.I'd do the same for you!'

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other.

The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.

'No Kidding,' he said.

'Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in genies?

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