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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 6:01 pm 
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The Movie Test

This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

I was surprised how this worked. Be honest and don't look at the movie
list till you have done the math!

Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite. This amazing math
quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the most.

Don't ask me how, but it really works!



Movie Test:

Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.


Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in
the list of 18 movies below.














Movie List:


1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Sheep
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Now, ain't that something.....?

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 8:14 pm 
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Joined: Mon Jan 03, 2005 7:51 pm
Posts: 6255
Location: Wellington New Zealand
just plain doug wrote:
The Movie Test

This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be "Raiders of the Lost Ark".

I was surprised how this worked. Be honest and don't look at the movie
list till you have done the math!

Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite. This amazing math
quiz can likely predict which of 18 films you would enjoy the most.

Don't ask me how, but it really works!



Movie Test:

Pick a number from 1-9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.


Now add the two digits together to find your predicted favorite movie in
the list of 18 movies below.














Movie List:


1. Gone With The Wind
2. E.T.
3. Beverly Hills Cop
4. Star Wars
5. Forrest Gump
6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly
7. Jaws
8. Grease
9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Sheep
10. Casablanca
11. Jurassic Park
12. Shrek
13. Pirates of the Caribbean
14. Titanic
15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark
16. Home Alone
17. Mrs. Doubtfire
18. Toy Story

Now, ain't that something.....?


hey how the: 9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Sheep
never seen it but apparently it's my favorite...

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 8:27 pm 
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Officer Pike after breathalyzing Jim resulting in a 10 times over the legal limit reading arrested him for drunk driving, and began the questioning.
Where were you coming from Jim?
The pub at the end of the road.
Where were you going Jim?
To my house right here.
Jim, thats only 200 Metres, why didn't you walk?
Officer if I could walk I wouldn't have driven the car!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 9:46 pm 
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just plain doug wrote:
The Movie Test Now, ain't that something.....?

Number 9, number 9, number 9.
No matter how you toss the dice, it has to be. :wink:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 10, 2013 10:33 pm 
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KAPT.KIIRK wrote:
just plain doug wrote:
The Movie Test Now, ain't that something.....?

Number 9, number 9, number 9.
No matter how you toss the dice, it has to be. :wink:


Canadian math

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 5:56 pm 
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Neil Armstrong was always being asked to speak at Rotary Club luncheons and mall openings. When he did, he would start his speech with a really bad joke about the Moon, which would fail miserably. After an awkward silence, he would mumble "I guess you had to be there..."

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:06 pm 
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MentalTossFlycoon wrote:
Neil Armstrong was always being asked to speak at Rotary Club luncheons and mall openings. When he did, he would start his speech with a really bad joke about the Moon, which would fail miserably. After an awkward silence, he would mumble "I guess you had to be there..."

Now that's funny! ~ Jack Benny.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:29 am 
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Gray_Ghost wrote:
just plain doug wrote:
The Movie Test

Movie Test:
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.


hey how the: 9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Sheep
never seen it but apparently it's my favorite...


How It Works:
You pick a number and multiply it by 3.
Because you multiplied it by 3, the number you get now can be divided by 3.
You add 3 to add confusion. The number can still be divided by 3.
You multiply it by 3 again, meaning your number can now be divided by 3 twice, ergo by 3*3 or 9.
Fact: Whenever a number can be divided by 9, all the digits in the number add up to 9. Because the number you got can be divided by 9, all the numbers will end up to 9 no matter what number you start with. It doesn't even have to be lower than 10, as long as it's not 0.

BBP, ruiner of math gags everywhere!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 9:03 am 
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BBP wrote:
Gray_Ghost wrote:
just plain doug wrote:
The Movie Test

Movie Test:
Pick a number from 1-9.
Multiply by 3.
Add 3.
Multiply by 3 again.


hey how the: 9. The Joy of Anal Sex With A Sheep
never seen it but apparently it's my favorite...


How It Works:
You pick a number and multiply it by 3.
Because you multiplied it by 3, the number you get now can be divided by 3.
You add 3 to add confusion. The number can still be divided by 3.
You multiply it by 3 again, meaning your number can now be divided by 3 twice, ergo by 3*3 or 9.
Fact: Whenever a number can be divided by 9, all the digits in the number add up to 9. Because the number you got can be divided by 9, all the numbers will end up to 9 no matter what number you start with. It doesn't even have to be lower than 10, as long as it's not 0.

BBP, ruiner of math gags everywhere!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 8:37 am 
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Location: Orange County Ca.
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him!


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 10:32 am 
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coevad wrote:
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him!


and he gets pissed off multiple times a day.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 11:42 am 
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Posts: 4349
Location: in deepest, darkest Germany
And his real name is Richard.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 12:14 am 
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Location: Home of The Mondavi Center.
Canadians get hepatitis... eh? (A)

Mexicans get hepatitis... si'. (C)

Homer Simson has type d'oh Blood.

Women are like bacon. They smell good, they taste good and they'll both kill you slowly!

:mrgreen:

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Last edited by KAPT.KIIRK on Tue Jul 02, 2013 1:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 22, 2013 5:18 am 
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Q:What do you say to a banjo player wearing a suit and tie?
A:The defendant will now rise...

Q:What's the difference between a banjo and a trampoline?
A:You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline.

Q:How do you know when a banjo player is at the door?
A: The knocking gets faster and faster, he doesn't know when to come in, and he can't find the key!

Q:What's the difference between an onion and a banjo?
A: No-one cries when you cut up a banjo...

Cop breaks up a fight in a bar. He ask why they are fighting. First guy says " I'm the Banjo player here and this guy came up and turned one of the pegs on my Banjo."

The cop says " Is that any thing to fight about?".

The Banjo player says "He won't tell me which one he turned!"

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:57 pm 
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great banjo jokes

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 10:03 pm 
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Location: Windsor,Ontario Canada
Pope Jim emailed this to me.

The Lantern

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Fri Jun 28, 2013 11:10 pm 
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Trip wrote:
Pope Jim emailed this to me.

The Lantern

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

send it back!


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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:22 am 
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Posts: 6255
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coevad wrote:
Trip wrote:
Pope Jim emailed this to me.

The Lantern

Deep In the back woods of Tennessee, a hillbilly's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I am doing."

Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world.

Whoa there, said the doctor, "Don't be in such a rush to put that lantern down. I think there's another one coming."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "Hold that lantern up, don't set it down there's another one!" said the doctor.

Within a few minutes he had delivered a third baby.

"No, don't be in a hurry to put down that lantern, it seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor.

The redneck scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "You reckon it might be the light that's attractin' 'em?

send it back!



Must be read while dueling banjos plays in the background :mrgreen:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jun 29, 2013 1:23 pm 
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Whites Only Laundry.

http://www.bitoffun.com/video_vault/whi ... -humor.htm

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 02, 2013 1:30 pm 
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During a recent company IT audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyPhoenix”

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Tue Jul 02, 2013 1:46 pm 
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^ That got a good laugh here! I just love "real" blondes! :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:02 pm 
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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 5:58 pm 
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Driving in Russia is a bad joke!

http://www.youtube.com/embed/5RAaW_1FzY ... showinfo=0

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Sat Jul 06, 2013 6:18 pm 
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just plain doug wrote:

Brutal!

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 Post subject: Re: The Bad Joke Thread
PostPosted: Mon Jul 08, 2013 4:40 pm 
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