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PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:02 pm 
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Plook wrote:
Dear Cal

What would the proper clothing for a Midwest Winter?

Sign Me

Still wearing shorts in Sunny california


Monday - rain slicker
Tuesday - shorts
Wednesday - a parka
Thursday - Tornado resistant leiderhosen
Friday - a halter top

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:05 pm 
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Caputh wrote:
Dear Cal,
In connection with Plook's erudite query...
Is climate change merely a myth, invented by greedy scientists? Or are the critics even more greedy than the scientists they claim are greedy?

Signed,
should I buy woolen underwear or a mankini?


C'mon, I really wouldn't care what the weather was right now, nothing would be more delightful than seeing you in a mankini.

But, since you asked, I'll give you the answer. Wait a couple hundred years. Is your town and/or country under water? Has life ceased for you and all those you know? If not, then it's not true. If so, it's true.

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PostPosted: Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:44 pm 
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Dear Cal,

I just ate half a bag of beer nuts and, feeling decidedly ill, decided that I'd better get something sorted out before I die of candied nuts.

What is the one true faith?

And please try to accommodate overall cost in your answer as I am on a tight budget.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:12 am 
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Sam I Am wrote:
Dear Cal,

I just ate half a bag of beer nuts and, feeling decidedly ill, decided that I'd better get something sorted out before I die of candied nuts.

What is the one true faith?

And please try to accommodate overall cost in your answer as I am on a tight budget.


Just believe in yourself. That's all you'll ever need.




Hahahaha, I'm shitting you, it's the EcumeniCal2Hikers Church of Making Calvin2hikers Filthy Rich. We believe in giving our leader lots of money. As an introductory offer, it's only 20 dollars a month, or 30 dollars a month if you give yearly.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:48 am 
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The true religion is Pastafarianism, or the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Join us!

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:48 am 
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BBP wrote:
The true religion is Pastafarianism, or the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Join us!


I've been doing some quick calculations and I've come to the conclusion that it would not make me any money.

Although I do love spaghetti.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 11:51 am 
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Thanks for your help but it turns out that the rumblings of my imminent demise turned out to be the rumblings of a lesser god who bears a strong resemblance to a porcelain appliance. The lesser gods appeased and my keel more or less even, I shall return to worshipping my dog. He is much less demanding than most religions, doesn't molest alter boys and almost never shits in the house unlike some baptists I could name...

More importantly, he barks frantically at Mormons, JW's, the mailman, politicians, teenagers, other dogs, aircraft, clouds, stigmata and hot air balloons.

Dog is my copilot.
Image

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 12:05 pm 
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Dammit.

It's hard to start a religion.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 1:24 pm 
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Religious *SPAM*......For a buck 49 ($1.49) you to can be a guru.Thats right! In this limited time offer you'll get a robe & rope,bells and beads,& a mystery box for easy storage.Order NOW and we'll throw-in some majic dust*.Order two and we'll give you free,thats right free! One can of foaming goo!** Remember think *SPAM* for all you religious needs.

*Charisma & karma extra.
** Shipping & handling extra.
Neb.residents add 80% sales tax.
All sales are final.

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PostPosted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 2:02 pm 
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Dear Cal

There seems to be some confusion in another thread as to whether the Anus is an exit or an entrance, what say you?

Sign Me

Poop Shute Paradox Prepared

:smoke:


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 1:10 pm 
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Dear Cal

I have developed a fetish for digipak CD covers which makes me fondle and dust them until they break apart. How can I stop this futile, obsessive behaviour?

DC Boogie

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 3:30 pm 
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DC Boogie wrote:
Dear Cal

I have developed a fetish for digipak CD covers which makes me fondle and dust them until they break apart. How can I stop this futile, obsessive behaviour?

DC Boogie


Well Mr. Boogie, to dole out an advice pellet from my psychiatric pez dispenser, my theory is that you destroy what you cannot have. But buck up bucko, there's hope yet! Daring new legislation is being run through Congress that would allow you to marry as many digipaks as you want. Jewel cases too. This will enable you to treat the case of your choice in the manner as to which it should be accustomed.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 4:25 pm 
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Plook wrote:
Dear Cal

There seems to be some confusion in another thread as to whether the Anus is an exit or an entrance, what say you?

Sign Me

Poop Shute Paradox Prepared

:smoke:


In this great land of ours, it can be either.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 9:19 pm 
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Cal, how can women expect to be regarded as equals by men if they persist in acting like animals during sexual intercourse?


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PostPosted: Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:16 pm 
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downer mydnyte wrote:
Cal, how can women expect to be regarded as equals by men if they persist in acting like animals during sexual intercourse?

"Smile if you screw like a tiger" was one of my better lines...as in they smiled a lot...and they like guys with a sense of humor. Well it did help thin the herd! :wink:

They're animals I tell ya! :D

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 2:19 pm 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
Plook wrote:
Dear Cal

There seems to be some confusion in another thread as to whether the Anus is an exit or an entrance, what say you?

Sign Me

Poop Shute Paradox Prepared

:smoke:


In this great land of ours, it can be either.



LMAO...I am so glad your bringing this thread back, definitly in my top 5...hell might be my favorite, this is your wheel house... :smoke:


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 12, 2013 4:31 pm 
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Dear Calvin,
Is my persecution of Trendmonger evil, tasteless, tiny-minded and uncalled for? Does it point out spiritual and moral shortcomings in me? Do you even give a shit?


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PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 11:43 am 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
Plook wrote:
Dear Cal

There seems to be some confusion in another thread as to whether the Anus is an exit or an entrance, what say you?

Sign Me

Poop Shute Paradox Prepared

:smoke:


In this great land of ours, it can be either.


Dear Cal,
Could you give me a list of the states of the USA in which the anus is not considered an entrance? (Purely for reference purposes).
I always thought the southern states didn't like you going...er... south.
Signed,
Not-very-keen-on-anal-sex-but-whatever-turns -you-on

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 7:49 pm 
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Dear calvin2hikers,

I have a couple for ya.

1. Since brainpang doesn't like the way I carry myself (despite his utter hypocrisy in the Trendmonger threads, where he clearly doesn't carry himself very well at all), does this mean I should be carried by someone else...or should I just endure the relatively plausible physical capabilities of carrying other people randomly regardless of their weight, and thus ultimately redeeming my nearly 6' 0'', 180 pound frame?

2. Why do the utter morons of the forum (and many people in general) think if Socialism is established on this continent that it will work, despite the FACT it NEVER has worked in ANY country in world history (Mixed Economies don't count)?

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 13, 2013 8:20 pm 
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Dear Calvin,

Is everything that's wrong with the USA really Obama's fault?

Tickled pinko in Mexico, where's my waitress? Opelita you hot little bitch!

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PostPosted: Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:13 am 
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Dear Cal,
I was wondering how I could fuck up your advice corner. No, don't tell me - I think I can guess the answer.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 5:36 pm 
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Pope Jim wrote:
Dear Calvin,
Is my persecution of Trendmonger evil, tasteless, tiny-minded and uncalled for? Does it point out spiritual and moral shortcomings in me? Do you even give a shit?


I give more than one shit. Maybe up to 4. There's really nothing wrong with you either - unless it's this same time 4 years from now and you're still at him. Then you might be a wee bit pathetic.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 5:49 pm 
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Disco Boy wrote:
Dear calvin2hikers,

I have a couple for ya.

1. Since brainpang doesn't like the way I carry myself (despite his utter hypocrisy in the Trendmonger threads, where he clearly doesn't carry himself very well at all), does this mean I should be carried by someone else...or should I just endure the relatively plausible physical capabilities of carrying other people randomly regardless of their weight, and thus ultimately redeeming my nearly 6' 0'', 180 pound frame?

2. Why do the utter morons of the forum (and many people in general) think if Socialism is established on this continent that it will work, despite the FACT it NEVER has worked in ANY country in world history (Mixed Economies don't count)?



1. In the middle of investigation, I break down. So would you take Jack, my dog?

2. DOESN'T WORK? WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Those National Socialists seemed to have it groovin'. Record low unemployment, the youth were able to be in their own group where they learned and played and become more healthy, they had an army AND a police state, and they were even given two countries free without firing a shot! But perhaps I'm being a wee bit simplistic. There was probably some other stuff I'm forgetting.

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PostPosted: Tue Jun 18, 2013 9:39 pm 
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calvin2hikers wrote:
Disco Boy wrote:
Dear calvin2hikers,

I have a couple for ya.

1. Since brainpang doesn't like the way I carry myself (despite his utter hypocrisy in the Trendmonger threads, where he clearly doesn't carry himself very well at all), does this mean I should be carried by someone else...or should I just endure the relatively plausible physical capabilities of carrying other people randomly regardless of their weight, and thus ultimately redeeming my nearly 6' 0'', 180 pound frame?

2. Why do the utter morons of the forum (and many people in general) think if Socialism is established on this continent that it will work, despite the FACT it NEVER has worked in ANY country in world history (Mixed Economies don't count)?



1. In the middle of investigation, I break down. So would you take Jack, my dog?

2. DOESN'T WORK? WHAT IN THE BLUE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Those National Socialists seemed to have it groovin'. Record low unemployment, the youth were able to be in their own group where they learned and played and become more healthy, they had an army AND a police state, and they were even given two countries free without firing a shot! But perhaps I'm being a wee bit simplistic. There was probably some other stuff I'm forgetting.


1. Sure. Well, if he's not too heavy, that is.

2. Forgetfulness is a bitch. But I'm pretty sure you forgot dictatorship, the relinquishment of your rights to choose, or to create capital for yourself and family, or even own stuff, etc.


Oh...and thanks for the responses.

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:53 - :57...

"...I'm absolutely a Libertarian on MANY issues..." ~ Frank Zappa, Rochester, NY, March 11, 1988


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PostPosted: Wed Jun 19, 2013 3:48 am 
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Yeah, the National Socialists were nowhere near as good as the Fascists in Italy in 1924 or Pinochet's junta - who also killed considerably less people btw.

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