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PostPosted: Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:57 am 
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Feel free to add your favourite unfortunate phrases!

The following comes from the book De tabak en Het Rooken. Ernst en scherts uit de cultuurgeschiedenis, an originally German book on tobacco and smoking, by Hermann Pilz. It was released in 1900. I'm busy reading and translating the chapter on health and tobacco, and it's hilarious. However, as this copy is a paperback edition, well: all pages were printed on a large sheet of paper, that was then folded and sewn together. As a result, most top pages of this book are stuck together. Reading it is very hard as a result.

Translation by YT. The original translation contains a lot of annoying word repetitions and some ungrammatical phrases, which is why they appear in the following text.

Pros and cons of using tobacco - Hygiene of smoking.

Why do we smoke? Why do we sniff? Why do we chew tobacco? the tobacco must be good for everything. An oriental prince who wanted a certain answer to these questions, came to the conclusion that tobacco is good for anything. The sick smoke to become healthy, the healthy to keep his health, the sad to get in a better mood, the cheery to augment his cheer, the rich to chase off boredom, the poor to forget his sad fate. For all, tobacco is a welcome solace-bearer in the battle of life. It is certain that tobacco was originally only used as medicine. And in these days, tobacco is still believed to have healing powers.

When the French ambassador in Lisbon gave the first tobacco plants to Queen Catharina de Medici and in his honor the oxygen-free alcaloid of the tobacco was named "nicotin", C10H14N2, there were immediately a number of French doctors who wanted to perform miraculous healing with the tobacco, and the English and German doctors would soon follow them.


...More to come...

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PostPosted: Thu Feb 19, 2009 10:14 am 
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you speak-ah mah language:
absolut kindness
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORC8YSS1WrI
never mind this is terribly oxymoronic

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:36 am 
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The chapter I wanted to post here was longer than I thought, so here it is in HTML:
http://bonny.ploeg.ws/tabak.html.

Saucy quote:
Quote:
In the English magazine "Young Man", several doctors who are in favour of moderacy, are in favour of smoking enjoyment. Dr. Norman Kerr states that he would be moving against science and truth if he claimed that smoking tobacco is necessarily disadvantegeous.The tobacco possesses other virtues, like desinfecting properties. "When I would have to go to a hospital, I would always smoke. The tobacco smoke destroys both cholera microbes and those that cause pneumonia." The fight of the colic through tobacco smoke, particularly in animals, is a well-known home remedy. The smoke works stimulating on the intestine and enhances the peristalsis. That is the name of the worm-like movement of the muscle fibers in the intestine, causing the fecal matter to be slowly pushed away. The tobacco smoke is made with a regular pipe and is blown via an oil-lubricated rubber hose into the rectum. As soon as the pear-shaped disappearance of the same is filled with smoke, this soom re-appears by itself and a short time after is followed by the relief of smoke and feces. Colic, along with rebellious cases of ostipation with horses, cattle and sheep, are being quickly cured by tobacco smoke.

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PostPosted: Mon Feb 23, 2009 7:34 pm 
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"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

-Brooke Shields

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PostPosted: Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:55 pm 
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Y'know, there's some truth to that. :wink:

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 1:00 am 
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From "L'Art d'Être Aimée" by Dominique LeBourg:
Quote:
Bluestocking or Blue Flower?
We must face the fact with resignation and we usually have to choose: Men never appreciated learned women. If you have diplomas, if you are an “intellectual”, if your spirit is curious and cultivated, it will take infinite grace and modesty to excuse yourself from these suspicious qualities. Men would rather raise a shrine for you than treat you as equals.
So be feminine. Don't be a feminist. So that your intelligence develops your finesse and your intuition. Don't put your ambition to knowing everything, but to understanding everything; not to discuss everything, but to listen to all: your name as spirited woman will soon be established.
If you still want to let your dear opinion triumph, be so kind to pretend your idea was posed by the speaker earlier: “Dear friend, you just said something right that struck me...” The “dear friend” will certainly not remember these words, but he'll be enchanted by your candid flattery. And if he has to recognize that you are right, make him forget it by a very small knowing smile.

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PostPosted: Mon Apr 14, 2014 7:09 pm 
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MentalTossFlycoon wrote:
"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."

-Brooke Shields

Is Brooke Shields related to Yogi Berra?


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 3:17 am 
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BBP wrote:
As a result, most top pages of this book are stuck together. Reading it is very hard as a result.


:shock: :roll:

That's what paper knives are for :mrgreen:

/V

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 04, 2014 4:07 am 
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[regarding then-President George W. Bush] "Honestly, I think we should just trust our president in every decision that he makes and should just support that, you know, and, um, be faithful in what happens." - Britney Spears

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kt4328MAB80

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PostPosted: Fri Aug 01, 2014 9:27 am 
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http://www.philbrodieband.com/jokes_dumb_quotes.htm

*"When I pictured heroin, I pictured some crazy crackhead with no shoes under a bridge. You never think that is going to be you. And it never was me. I was never under a bridge, and I always had shoes." - Nicole Richie
*"So, how did you all meet?" - Donna Air, while interviewing sibling band The Corrs
*"It's literally murder on the dancefloor." - Dermot O'Leary, hosting the X Factor
*"Sometimes what I actually love to do is go to a farm and get fresh milk or watch a pig get slaughtered." - Jake Gyllenhaal
*"If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final." - Cyndi Lauper
*"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
*"It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago" - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President
*"This planet is our home. If we destroy the planet, we've destroyed our home, so it is fundamentally important." - H. Ross Perot
*"We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles." - Governor Wesley Bolin
*"Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there."
- Bill Madlock, Baseball broadcaster
*"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." - Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst
*"I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes." - Richard Nixon
*"Most cars on our roads have only one occupant, usually the driver." - Carol Malia, BBC Anchorwoman
*"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer." - David Acfield
*For those of you haven't read the book, it's being published tomorrow - David Frost
*I went in and said, "If I see one more gratuitous shot of a woman's body, I'm quitting . . . " I think the show should be emotional story lines, morals, real- life heroes. And that's what we're doing - David Hasselhoff, star of Baywatch
*Not only was Sue having a nervous breakdown, but she was having a tough time mentally too - Simon Bates
*"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC
*"What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football?" - Stuart Hall, Radio 5 live
*'There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.' - Ken Olson, 1977, Digital Equipment Corporation
*'Radio has no future.' - Lord Kelvin, 1897
*"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers." - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
*"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."
- George Gobel
*"Cod are not very good swimmers so they are easily overtaken by trawlers and nets." - British government report on why cod fish are disappearing from the North Sea
*"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." - Radio broadcaster, UK
*"Most lies about blondes are false." - Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
*"Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier." - BBC London Traffic Report
*'A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.' -Dan Quayle
*'Life is very important to Americans.' - Bob Dole
*"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign
*"Most hotels are already booked solid by people, plus 5,000 journalists." - Bangkok Post
*'No one will need more than 637Kb of memory for a personal computer' - Bill Gates

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2014 3:20 am 
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There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on
--shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.
- George Dubya Bush


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PostPosted: Wed Sep 17, 2014 11:44 pm 
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