Joe's Garage Act I

August 3rd 1979
Zappa Records
The Central Scrutinizer
207
Joe's Garage
370
Catholic Girls
266
Crew Slut
351
Wet T-Shirt Nite
326
Toad-O Line
258
Why Does It Hurt When I Pee?
155
Lucille Has Messed My Mind Up
437

Official Release #28
Originally Released: September 3, 1979
Catalog Number: SRZ-1-1603
Produced by: FZ
 
Note: On the vinyl, the tracks "Wet T-Shirt Nite" & "Toad-O-Line" were retitled "Fembot In A Wet T-Shirt" & "On The Bus" respectively, when released on CD sets. "Scrutinizer Postlude" was added too.
 
The Musicians:
Frank Zappa: lead guitar, vocals
Warren Cuccurullo: rhythm guitar, vocals
Denny Walley: slide guitar, vocals
Ike Willis: ead vocals
Peter Wolf: keyboards
Tommy Mars: keyboards
Arthur Barrow: bass, vocals
Ed Mann: percussion
Vinnie Colaiuta: drums, combustible vapors
Jeff: tenor sax
Marginal Chagrin: baritone sax
Stumuk: bass sax
Dale Bozzio: vocals
Al Malkin: vocals
Craig Steward: harmonica
 
 
The Cast:
Central Scrutinizer
Larry
Father Riley & Buddy Jones
Frank Zappa
 
Joe 
Ike Willis
 
Mary 
Dale Bozzio
 
Mrs. Borg
Denny Walley
 
Officer Butzis
Al Malkin
 
Special thanks to Joe Chicarelli for the word “Appliantology”
Special thanks to Ike Willis for the word “plook”
Special thanks to Phil Kaufman for asking the eternal question: “Why does it hurt when I pee?”
Special thanks to Ann Knowlins for the word “ninnies”
 
Studios Village Recorders “B” & Ken-Dun “D”
Recording engineer Joe Chicarelli
Re-mix engineers Mick Glossop & Steve Nye
Special engineering Claus Wiedemann & David Gray
Assistants Barabara Issak, Tom Cummings & Thomas Nordegg
Project co-ordinator Steve Allsberg
Mastering Bernie Grundman, Bernie Grundman Mastering 2016
Source Original 1979 Analog Master Safety
 
Monitor system Stumuk & Jim
Cover photo Norman Seeff
Art director/illustrator John William
Produced by Frank Zappa for Zappa Records
 
All selections composed, arranged & conducted by Frank Zappa.
All selections controlled Worldwide by the Zappa Family Trust, dba Munchkin Music. 
All rights reserved. c1979 p1979, mmxvi Zappa Family Trust.  All rights reserved.
 
 
Desperate nerds in high offices all over the world have been known to enact the most disgusting pieces of legislation in order to win votes (or, in places where they don’t get to vote, to control unwanted forms of mass behavior).
 
Environmental laws were not passed to protect our air and water . . . they were passed to get votes. Seasonal anti-smut campaigns are not conducted to rid our communities of moral rot . . . they are conducted to give an aura of saintliness to the office-seekers who demand them. If a few key phrases are thrown into any speech (as the expert advisors explain to these various heads of state) votes will roll in, bucks will roll in, and most importantly, power will be maintained by the groovy guy (or gal) who gets the most media coverage for his sleaze. Naturally, his friends in various businesses will do okay too.
 
All governments perpetuate themselves through the daily commission of acts which a rational person might find to be stupid or dangerous (or both). Naturally, our government is no exception . . . for instance, if the President (any one of them) went on TV and sat there with the flag in the background (or maybe a rustic scene on a little backdrop, plus the flag) and stared sin-cerely into the camera and told everybody that all energy problems and all inflationary problems had been traced to and could be solved by the abolition of MUSIC, chances are that most people would believe him and think that the illegalization of this obnoxious form of noise pollution would be a small price to pay for the chance to buy gas like the good ol’ days. No way? Never happen? Records are made out of oil. All those big rock shows go from town to town in fuel-gobbling 45-foot trucks . . . and when they get there, they use up enormous amounts of electrical energy with their lights, their amplifiers, their PA systems . . . their smoke machines. And all those synthesizers . . . look at all the plastic they got in ‘em . . . and the guitar picks . . . you name it . . .
 
JOE’S GARAGE is a stupid story about how the government is going to try to do away with music (a prime cause of unwanted mass behavior). It’s sort of like a really cheap kind of high school play...the way it might have been done 20 years ago, with all the sets made out of cardboard boxes and poster paint. It’s also like those lectures that local narks used to give (where they show the a display of all the different ways you can get wasted, with the pills leading to the weed leading to the needle, etc., etc.).
 
If the plot of the story seems just a little bit preposterous, and if the idea of The Central Scruntinizer enforcing laws that haven’t been passed yet makes you giggle, just be glad you don’t live in one of the cheerful little countries where, at this very moment, music is either severely restricted . . . or, as it is in Iran, totally illegal.